Marriage One Liners

Taken From: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/

MARRIAGE ONE LINERS

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.  --Henny Youngman

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. --Ann Bancroft

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. --Bill Cosby

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. --Benjamin Franklin

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. --Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. --Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. --George Burns

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. --Cindy Garner

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. --Elaine Boosler

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,"There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." --Henny Youngman

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. --Rita Rudner

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. --Henny Youngman

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. --Erma Bombeck